From Questions to Trust

Finding the Greatest Gift in the Darkest Moments

What is the next step in your life? What do you want to do for a career? Unanswered questions are nothing new to Luke Porter. His life has been full of them.

“You Will Never Amount to Much”

Luke knows that he was born in Bogota, Columbia. But, without an official birth record, the details – even his birthday – are unclear. Luke was told he lived with his Grandma until the age of three, but he doesn’t know why his Mom and Dad left him. He knows that in 2008, he and his older brother and sister were adopted by a family from Kansas. And, even though he would spend the next nine years growing up in a house with 15 other kids, why did he never feel like he was a part of the family?

He wondered why it was always “his fault” when anything went wrong. No matter how hard he tried, why could he not do anything right? He must be bad; there must not be anything good about him. Luke bounced between peaks of anger and valleys of depression as conflicts escalated. Constantly, he heard a voice telling him that “he would never amount to much.”

Realizing he could not get the help he needed in their home, his adopted Dad began searching for a place where Luke might actually be happy and feel a part of a family. A friend from their church recommended a place he volunteered: Show-Me Christian Youth Home.

Beginning to Believe

In 2017, a quiet, reserved twelve-year-old hesitantly stepped onto the Show-Me grounds. “I came in as lazy as a kid could get,” Luke said. “I didn’t feel I could do anything.”

To his surprise, Luke discovered that Show-Me offered a new world of possibilities to find his talents. Working alongside his housedad, Luke helped with lawn and maintenance projects. He discovered that he enjoyed working with his hands. It felt good to see something he fixed or built.

At Show-Me, Luke found many areas to get involved in. He played soccer and basketball. He ran cross country and track. He participated in quiz bowl, Leadership U, and archery. Luke discovered talents and leadership abilities he didn’t know he had. For the first time in his life, he heard compliments. Those encouraging words boosted his self-esteem. He began to notice things about himself that were good. “Gradually, I began to believe I could have a future,” said Luke. “I could amount to something.”

Being Real

While sports helped Luke to see his talents, the other kids at Show-Me helped Luke see his life from a better perspective. The more he focused on himself, the more lost he felt. By hearing their stories, he realized that there were people worse off than him. It made him want to reach out and help. As he helped them, it helped him.

He found it easiest to talk to other teens at Show-Me. He could be more himself around them. They might not have all the answers, but since they had gone through similar experiences, they understood some of the feelings and questions that swirled in his head even if he couldn’t put them into words. “Having been through similar past struggles, we can see what’s really going on,” stated his classmate, Tati. “We are real with each other and will call each other out on stuff.”

The Power of Just Being There

While Luke trusted some of his friends at Show-Me, learning to trust adults would not be as easy. “With a whole bunch of people in my life, I begin to start trusting them. I feel like it’s going to be different – then they leave,” stated Luke. To protect himself from that feeling of abandonment, Luke always kept the adults in his life at a little distance. “If I am only going to know them for a little while longer, they don’t really need to know anything about me,” he reasoned. Each time things felt like they would finally fall into place, another obstacle came and knock everything over.

In 2021, Luke faced the biggest challenge of his life. He received word that his adopted father – the one person he trusted in his life – had died. Luke’s heart cried out with questions: How could God let this happen? Why did the people in his life keep having to go away? In this time of uncertainty, Luke found an answer — his family.

“It wasn’t any specific thing they (Ken and Emilee Parton) said. It was just that they were there and listened when I needed them,” stated Luke. “Family is a group of people, it doesn’t have to be biological or adopted, that will be there for you, who are honest with you, and willing to help. My Show-Me family isn’t just the Partons; it is my friends here; it is all the teachers, staff, and supporters that I know love and care about me. “

Not Knowing the Answers is OK

Show-Me has not given Luke all the answers. He is taking things one step at a time. In May, he receives his high school diploma from Show-Me Christian School. He’s not sure what the next step will be. Maybe, he will work for a year to build a solid financial foundation, then go to tech school and get a degree in electrical engineering. He hopes one day to have a career he enjoys that allows him to create things with his hands.

“Truthfully, the future makes me nervous,” admits Luke. “But, it is less scary knowing I have a family here at Show-Me that cares about me and I could go to for help if I need it. Knowing there are people who will actually listen and see my point of view (my Show-Me family) helped me realize I am not alone. Even though I am still trying to figure out the next step, I know my family will be there.”

By JayKayCee|2023-04-25T17:11:35-05:00April 25th, 2023|Categories: Child's Story, Children, Path to Purpose, Teen, Testimony, Uncategorized|

The Rescued become the Rescuers

Answering the Call to ‘Rescue and Restore’

Police officer. Houseparent. Nurse. Firefighter. It takes a certain kind of person to be a rescuer. When others flee danger, the rescuer runs toward it. They deal with people at their worst and must make life-and-death decisions. They face long, fast-paced hours with little pay or appreciation; many times being seen as the enemy by the very people that they are trying to help. Why would anyone choose a job like that!?!

For five rescuers who once called Show-Me “home,” it is not a job, it is the mission God called them to do. Their life confirms it. The challenges they overcame, the hardships they endured, all were the necessary training ground to develop the skills, coping mechanisms, and Christ-centered view needed to succeed in their daunting tasks. Someone once fought to rescue and restore their life; now they feel it is their turn to answer God’s call.

Alex: The Difference of One Pivotal Moment

Alex Stimson’s young life had all the ingredients of a career criminal: divorced parents, abuse as a child, lying, anger issues, and increasing behavior problems. Alex’s dad had fought and won custody to get his son away from his Mom’s abusive home. But, now what? They had tried state-based group homes; he was kicked out in three weeks. Therapy? In Alex’s mind, all his problems were someone else’s fault. His dad didn’t have the skills needed to help Alex move past the trauma he endured and heal. After a lot of research, they found a brochure for Show-Me Christian Youth Home.

In 2002, 13-year-old Alex joined the Ward Family in Camdenton, MO. Over the next four years, the Wards’ helped him emotionally and spiritually heal. He developed deep bonds with his Show-Me siblings – ones he still calls family. Show-Me loved Alex just as he was. “It wasn’t one giant thing that changed me,” stated Alex. “It was the little things every day that made me the man I am today.” That structure would develop and nurture Alex’s faith in God and himself.

Building upon that faith, he graduated and left Show-Me in 2006. College, odd jobs, and serving as a youth pastor filled his days over the next few years. In 2010, he began his 13-year career in law enforcement. Today, he is a Highway Patrolman, living in Wyoming with his wife, Laura, and their two children.

As a state trooper, he must hold others accountable for the choices they make, but Alex tries to let God use each small interaction to be the pivotal moment that changes their life’s direction. He makes sure they know they matter and have value. Alex uses his own story to give them hope that they can change, but they can’t do it alone. “Your past can be a part of who you are, but it does not have to define your future,” Alex said. It is the message that Alex received at Show-Me and helped change the direction of his life.

“My life could have been a coin flip on how it turned out,” stated Alex. “Hearing these people’s stories and backgrounds, I realize that could have been me. The only difference was I had one pivotal moment – the youth home – which opened the doors to a thousand different possibilities that I didn’t know existed. It was the difference between growing up and never getting the help and healing I needed, then turning towards substances or sex or any other vice that we try to fill our lives with. I found fulfillment in Christ and found healing, joy, discipline, and a determination that might not have been there otherwise.”

Kayla: Finding Purpose in Brokenness

Kayla Jones’ life could also have turned out very different if it was not for her four years at Show-Me. A family history of substance abuse and mental illness set her up for an early life of hurt and fear; by the age of 13, she learned to disguise those feelings with many unhealthy coping mechanisms. Numerous friends she once skipped school with have died or are involved with the justice system. “I should be dead,” said Kayla, an 11-year Registered Nurse. “My training has made me aware that many of the ways I was dealing with stressors could have led to a poor outcome. God saved me for some reason.”

Kayla credits the love and understanding she received from her Show-Me family as one of the things that changed her. “They were there as I stumbled through my grief (over the death of my father) and despite the immense pain I experienced, they encouraged me to keep moving forward,” Kayla said. Their compassion opened Kayla’s eyes to see herself through God’s eyes as the success she was created to be.

Her personal understanding of the need for “helpers” led Kayla into the field of nursing. While at Show-Me, she volunteered at nursing homes. She became a Certified Nurse Assistant working her way through college, and then a hospital critical care nurse upon graduation. Today, she serves as the Statewide Director of Nursing for an organization that provides medical and mental health services to 21 correctional facilities in Missouri. She oversees a staff of over 300 nurses, who provide nursing services to incarcerated individuals.

Healing broken adults that society wants to forget about is her passion. She is reminded daily of how important the work of Show-Me is. “It is easier to work with someone at age 13 than it is at 50,” she said. “We all make mistakes, but we all deserve compassion and care. I am not the only one that came from that type of home environment or only child that felt that way. Good things can come out of really bad situations. We can all make choices to change a life. God can change a life. Everyone has a purpose.”

Emily: A Bridge to Healing

Show-Me has been a part of Emily Puckett’s whole life. Born to then houseparents, Chad and Jen Puckett, she has lived with 41 different siblings and calls countless others family. Being raised at Show-Me, Emily saw what happened when the new “Show-Me kids” felt they were treated equally with the houseparents’ “biological” kids as one family in an environment of hope and healing. Their dignity was maintained, barriers could come down, community was built, and dysfunctional cycles could be broken.

“Everyone had trauma, adverse childhood experiences, unfortunate circumstances, and we all lived in a bit of chaos,” Emily said. “But, we had the same Jesus. Seeing people break the cycles they grew up in inspired me to be a catalyst for change.”

Emily considered careers as a special education teacher, therapist, adolescent counselor, caregiver, and more. She had a realization after watching her big sister, Kayla’s journey. “Nurses fix everyone and everything,” thought Emily. “Nurses ARE educators, counselors, caregivers, and advocates for healing.”

In May of 2023, Emily will graduate with her Bachelor of Science in Nursing from the College of the Ozarks, Missouri’s top nursing school. She has accepted a nursing job in Rolla, MO, where she plans to follow in Kayla’s footsteps to train as a critical care nurse. “Now, my greatest aspiration is to show others their value by loving and serving them and providing a bridge to healing,” stated Emily.

Thomas and Kyle: Actions…Not Words

Thomas and Kyle Chaney aren’t much for words. Why did they choose the career paths they did? “I wanted to drive a car that would go fast,” joked Kyle, a deputy sheriff. “I wanted to drive big red trucks,” laughed Thomas, a volunteer firefighter. “You have a lot of people pour into your life, so you want to give back,” explains Thomas. “You can’t really tell someone why you do what you do. You just feel called to help.”

Thomas and Kyle saw the impact of answering that call from their Mom, Rachel. As young children, both were adopted into the Chaney family and grew up in their Show-Me home. Watching their parents and other Show-Me families join together to deal with situations with children from diverse backgrounds and different needs, taught them many lessons they regularly use as first responders: when you are dealing with people at their worst times, you have to put aside your emotions to get the job done; you will never feel completely ready or prepared, don’t let that stop you from trying; trust God and your desire to help more than any fear.

The biggest lesson their Mom taught them? “Life is not about you,” states Thomas. “It is about being there for each other.”

By JayKayCee|2023-04-05T21:38:11-05:00February 22nd, 2023|Categories: Children, Testimony, Uncategorized|

2023 Troy Culler Memorial Basketball Tournament

19th Annual Troy Culler Memorial Basketball Tournament!

We are so pleased to be able to host this annual tournament again! Please be sure to read through the precautions we are taking to help protect players and the residents of Show-Me at the bottom of this page.

This year’s tournament will be held on March 25th.

Get your teams together and head our way for some friendly competition.

The registration fee is $150.00 per team.

Many of you have participated in this tournament year after year.

It has become a highlight of our Spring here at Show-Me. Don’t wait to register your team, slots fill up fast. We can’t wait!!!

If you have any questions, please email Judi at judi.crawford@showmekids.org.

To register and pay for your team online, go here.

To register your team and mail in your payment, go here.

By Show-Me Update|2023-01-06T15:23:53-06:00January 6th, 2023|Categories: Children, Events, Sports, Uncategorized|

More than an Education

From Trying to Survive to Learning to Thrive

“If necessity is the mother of invention, discontent is the father of progress.” David Rockefeller’s words encompass the attitude, history, and future of the Show-Me Christian School (SMCS). It began in the basement of house #4 as a determined effort to give Show-Me’s kids every advantage to succeed; it has grown over the last 20 years into a school with a nearly 100% high-school-graduation rate (National statistics show a graduation rate of 30%-50% for foster care youth with similar backgrounds).

No More Falling through the Cracks

For many of the children that find their way to Show-Me, school is a struggle because of the battles in their home life. It is not uncommon for kids to be four grade levels behind where they should be. Public schools do not always have the necessary resources or time to help them catch up. Feelings of failure, depression, frustration, and anger escalate if the cycle continues and the gap widens.

In 2000, due to too many students “falling through the cracks” either academically or socially, the Show-Me Christian School (SMCS) was created to provide students a new chance to succeed. Using the Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) program, each student is evaluated subject by subject to identify any learning gaps (core concepts that the child might have missed) and create an individualized academic path.

Students use PACEs—the ACE program’s bite-sized self-instructional workbooks designed for thinking skills and the mastery of a subject—to reach daily goals. Each child consumes the information at their own rate, rather than being pushed or held back by their class. This approach empowers students to have control of their education and to own their success. Many kids who were falling behind in their former schools are able to catch up and graduate high school on time. “Show-Me was the first time I felt successful,” explained Kayla. “The school allowed me to feel in control of my life and my future. I set my pace and could still do my own thing, but with their structure, I found success.”

Beyond teaching core subjects like math, English, literature, science, and social studies, the Christian worldview of the curriculum reinforces the importance of morals and Christian values in all aspects of life. Interwoven into each PACE are Scriptures and one of 72 Biblical character traits—all designed to help develop moral character, a sense of accountability, and wisdom in their life.

A Team Dedicated to Their Success

While the ACE curriculum provides a solid foundation for academic success, the greatest strength of SMCS is found in its people and the positive environment they create. Socially, the environment lends itself to developing self-discipline, as well as providing the necessary security and fostering needed confidence. Children are surrounded by a wide range of positive adult role models.

Many of the houseparents take on extra roles serving as teachers during the day. The additional help reduces class sizes to an 8:1 student-to-teacher ratio. The collaboration between the houseparents, teachers, and counselors provides each child with a team of support all working off the same page. Problems are identified sooner and corrective actions are reinforced in all aspects of a child’s life. Whether at home or in class, there is always someone available to help each child keep moving forward.

“Children need to know they are seen, heard, and valued,” stated Robin Blake, SMCS Administrator. “If a student is struggling, SMCS’s individualized learning path means their struggle won’t get lost in the chaos of the rest of the class.”

Beyond Academic Success

Part of the Show-Me restoration process ensures each child knows they have value and God-given gifts. Academics, athletics, and the arts are places most kids discover they have talents. Once they realize success in one area of their life, it flows into all areas. That first discovery is critical in developing self-confidence and the courage to try new things. The school offers programs in music, arts, drama, and sports to provide avenues of discovery.

“Not all students find competence in academics,” stated Director, Chad Puckett. “They need opportunities to explore competencies in other areas. That’s why we give them space to find it in arts or athletics. This also helps them become well-rounded in all areas of life.”

Signature Programs

Always looking for ways to improve, Show-Me developed two signature programs over the last decade to better prepare our young people for the world they will face as adults. In 2011, the Path to Purpose program was created to teach life skills, technology training, and other career preparations through hands-on applications. Two years later, Leadership U was introduced to instill character, develop a strong work ethic, and give direction to the students as they learn to lead like Jesus through the training of horses and dogs. Both programs provide real-life experiences and problem-solving opportunities.

In Leadership U, students learn to adapt their communication and leadership style to the personalities of each animal and situation just as a boss must do with their employees. “It taught me to chase my aspirations with everything I have and to prepare myself for what is to come through real-life experience, setting goals, and learning next-step skills,” remarked Emily, a SMCS alumni who will receive her Bachelor’s of Science in Nursing from College of the Ozarks this May.

Using virtual reality, headsets, students will be able to have hands-on interactive experiences such as dissecting a frog or taking a field trip to ancient Rome.

Traveling to Ancient Israel and Saturn’s Rings

In 2020, Show-Me announced plans to expand the SMCS facilities to accommodate up to 85 students. The new 6,900 square-foot area will include a new room for the high school and a separate room for middle school students. The current 7th-12th grade learning center in the multipurpose building will be converted into a larger elementary school room. The additional space will allow teachers to work in groups without disrupting the rest of the class. Other spaces include permanent areas for classes like art and music. Part of the new addition will be a larger Path to Purpose center that includes a computer lab, virtual reality (VR) capabilities, and high-tech equipment like 3-D printers.

The added technology capabilities will provide students with hands-on opportunities to delve deeper into subjects like Chemistry, Biology, and Physics. In VR, students can dissect frogs or mix chemical compounds without the mess, smell, or danger of blowing up the classroom. They can travel to ancient Israel to hear Jesus give the Sermon on the Mount or fly to the rings of Saturn while still making it home in time for dinner.

“Our original dream goal was to have a dedicated science lab, but that required hiring a specialized teacher, buying costly equipment, and storing dangerous supplies,” said Director Chad Puckett. “VR meant our students could have even more experiences at a fraction of the cost.”

Never Stop Believing

The same spirit of innovation and refinement continues to develop new programs, opportunities, and a Show-Me family dedicated to the Show-Me Restoration Process: helping our children address the challenges of their past, prepare for a healthy future and an excellent eternity.

By JayKayCee|2023-04-05T21:38:23-05:00November 4th, 2022|Categories: Children, Teen|

A Bridge to Break the Cycle

Celebrating 10 Years of the Path to Purpose Program

Early on as Director, I wanted to address the one question that always made me uncomfortable: “What happens to a child after they graduate?” I knew that Show-Me excelled at giving children a solid, stable home life, and did the best we could after graduation, but I wanted to do better. As a housedad for 10 years, I witnessed too many Show-Me kids stumble in adulthood; they would turn to their old support systems — a cycle we worked hard to get them out of — or turn to government support systems — a cycle we didn’t want them to get into. Houseparents, who are a vital link to these kids, didn’t always have the time and resources to help them. We needed to launch an intentional, targeted effort to resolve this weak area and improve our “restoration” results.

— Chad Puckett, Director

The need for a family doesn’t end when you turn 18 years old; it’s a vital foundation for your whole life. A young person should never “age out” of their primary support system – they should “age into” healthy adults through it. In June of 2012, select Show-Me supporters rallied to set aside resources and create a program that would bridge the gap to adulthood for current and former Show-Me children.

A Right-Fit Education and Career

Show-Me alumna, Judi Crawford, immediately accepted the challenge to lead this program as the Path to Purpose Coordinator. “Growing up here, I always had support even after graduation,” stated Judi. “But I knew of other alumni who did not know how to ask for the help they needed. This program was my opportunity to try to change that. My hope is that the relationship we build while they are here continues even after they graduate, so they know they always have a Show-Me family that they can lean on.”

Path to Purpose (P2P) strives to prepare young people for the adult phase of their life and walk with them as they cross that bridge to become stable adults. As they work through the program, they gain the skills, knowledge and insights they need to succeed. Judi works individually with each student to find a career path that fits their personality, capabilities, and goals. Starting in elementary school through hands-on workshops and field trips, students are introduced to economics and the numerous skills each job requires. Students continually dive deeper into their interested fields through job shadows, part-time work, and other career-exploration activities as they progress through P2P.

For Journey, who will graduate in May of 2023 with her Bachelor’s Degree in Graphic Design, her career path became clear after P2P gave her the opportunity to attend a week-long camp introducing her to graphic design. She discovered how her racing ADHD mind and high energy could actually be an advantage rather than a disadvantage. As a web designer and graphics artist, her restless creativity and energy can be utilized in a high-demand job that provides support for her future family.

Navigating Financial Aid

One hurdle most young people face is how to pay for the next level of training. The majority of P2P graduates are able to go to college without having to take out large loans. Due to their unique circumstances, our alumni often qualify for numerous scholarships, grants, and other financial aid if they can accurately present their case. The problem is their unique family situations do not fit into the standard categories for most forms. Before P2P, many Show-Me young people missed opportunities; now, they have a 10-year veteran to help them navigate the process.

“I would have gone clinically insane if wasn’t for Mrs. Judi,” Brendan, class of 2021, stated as he recounted the four weeks of patience and persistence it took to finalize his aid. “But, thanks to her help, I was able to receive a full-ride scholarship and even have some money left over for expenses.”

Tools for the Journey

Knowledge isn’t the only thing they need for this journey. From a reliable vehicle to a laptop for classes, Show-Me has committed to equip our graduates with the necessary tools they need to succeed. As a P2P graduate, they have funds available to help when needs arise: textbooks, unexpected repairs, down payments for housing, help with medications and utilities, continued counseling services, and various emergency situations.

“Nothing really prepares you for that moment when you look at your bank account, which only has $3 in it, and realize you have a lot of bills left to pay,” Dante recounted. The extra help came in especially handy for Dante, class of 2019, when his Precision Machining Technology degree program required over $3,500 of work tools or when his car broke down a week before he was supposed to start his new job.

Leaning on Wise Counsel

Sometimes all the young person needs is a little advice on this new adulting stuff such as taxes, car repair, or legal issues. If Judi doesn’t know the answer herself, she will lean on other members of the Show-Me family. Thomas Chaney, a Show-Me alumni and former car shop manager, inspects, repairs, and tunes up all donated vehicles. Jacob Crawford and the rest of the maintenance staff can fix almost any home problem. Lori Muhr, our Business Manager, can explain financial and tax issues. Elton Fay, a long-time attorney and Show-Me Board Member, has been there to advise on any legal matters.

“I expect all of our kids to work hard through the difficulties that life will continue to throw at them,” stated Director Chad Puckett. “But, just like my parents helped me along the way, when they have a need, I don’t want them turning to other sources for help. I want them to come “home.”

By JayKayCee|2023-04-05T21:38:39-05:00June 21st, 2022|Categories: Child's Story, Children, Path to Purpose|

Thank You Song

Thank You!

Composed and written by Taija, a child growing up at Show-Me Christian Youth Home

I was only two, not knowing what to do
Until you came and helped me through
I didn’t know I wasn’t gonna get to see my parents for a long time
You showed me I can have a family here

You’ve played an important role in my life
Teaching me to do right and let me learn about God
I can never thank you enough for all of your love
Thank you, thank you

Now being a teen isn’t so easy
I mean drama and all of those things
But I know that I have a place to call home
And people to call family

You’ve played an important role in my life
Teaching me to do right and let me learn about God
I can never thank you enough for all of your love
Thank you, oh thank you

I can never thank you enough or God
God thank you for my life
For being so nice
For sending me more people in my life that love me

You’ve played an important role in my life
Teaching me to do right and let me learn about God
I can never thank you enough for all of your love
Thank you

By Show-Me Update|2022-06-07T04:38:33-05:00June 7th, 2022|Categories: Child's Story, Children, Music, Testimony, Uncategorized|Tags: Song, Thank You|

Winning Life’s Lottery

“Show-Me was like winning the lottery,” Tristian Wieboldt explained.

“Out of the hundreds of kids that apply [to Show-Me], only a few are lucky enough to be chosen. Most people hope for a second chance at life; I was blessed to have a third.”

Blessed is not how Tristian would have described his life five years ago. Cursed is more accurate.

Tristian felt no matter what he did, he would always carry the baggage of the dysfunctional family in which he was born. It ran in his bloodline; he could not escape it. It defined him and limited what he could become. He bore a heavy burden.

Life Deals an Unfair Hand

Even before he took his first breath, life seemed stacked against Tristian. Due to his mother’s addiction, Tristian was born prematurely with cocaine in his system. He never knew his father. Shortly after his birth, his mother handed her newborn boy to her sister, Amy, to watch while she went off to a sobriety meeting. When she could not be reached later, Amy was forced to call the authorities, and Tristian was put into the foster care system.

Amy, who had recently graduated with her master’s degree in social work, did not want Tristian to become a number lost in the system. She knew the impact that a loving, stable, Christian family could make. Even though she had grown up with the same addicted mother as her sister, Amy was able to break the cycle. She received love and guidance from her youth pastor and his wife, who “adopted” her into their family. Fresh out of college and with a baby of their own on the way, Amy and James, her husband, began praying and preparing. A year later, their adopted 17-month-old son, Tristian, arrived in Missouri.

Simple Becomes Complicated

“To us, the decision was simple,” Amy remembered. “He was family. If we could take care of him, we should.” Life for the family would become anything but simple. From the very beginning, Tristian had a hard time fitting in. He did not want to be held or touched. He cried continually.

The tantrums as a toddler evolved into fights. Feeling out of place plagued him every day as he grew up. He may be the oldest of his four siblings, but he was not really a true member of the family. He was adopted. He was different. He couldn’t count on anyone but himself.

Parents or Police

To survive, he put on a mask. On the outside, he would go through the motions to get what he wanted. No one could be trusted to see his inner self. “I feared that if people saw who I really was, they would leave me just like my mother did,” Tristian said. The closer someone tried to get, the more he pushed away. He withdrew into himself. He showed little emotion and had few friends.

Tristian struggled at school and at home. He lacked the ability to focus and had little self-control. He developed a habit of lying and stealing. Problems got worse as he grew older. Jealousy of his siblings turned to bottled anger, which eventually would explode. Discipline at home only seemed to aggravate the situation. The more Tristian found himself in trouble, the more he felt he was being singled out. No matter what words were said, all Tristian heard was “…because you are adopted.”

For over 10 years, the family tried everything they knew to help him including specialized teachers and professional counseling. Nothing seemed to work. “We started to feel more like police than parents,” Amy stated. Finally, when Tristian’s behavior escalated to the point of self-harm and threatened to unravel their whole family, they tried one last option: Show-Me Christian Youth Home.

Lifting Up, Not Giving Up

Tristian’s counselor recommended Show-Me, knowing it would give him the structure, stability, and support he needed. Amy and James struggled to make the best decision for their son. “You feel like you are a failure as parents,” Amy stated. “What will other people say or think?”

As they walked the campus and met the families, they saw that Show-Me offered Tristian the opportunities and a wider community of support he needed, which could not be replicated in their home. Most important, he would still be part of a loving Christian family. “If we kept Tristian at home because of our fears, we were being selfish,” Amy remarked. “This was the best place for him to grow.”

Same Kind of Different

Tristian did not see it that way. He did not want to go to a youth home to live with a bunch of messed up kids that were going to judge him. “Just think of it as basic training,” James, his dad, told him. “Give it a year and let’s see where we are at.” Recognizing he had little choice, 13-year-old Tristian reluctantly agreed. To get home, he could go through the motions, again.

To his surprise, life at Show-Me was better than he thought. He liked his new family. No matter where they came from or what they did, his houseparents treated everyone like their own kid. His Show-Me brothers became his first friends and helped him get into the groove. “They were really accepting and didn’t judge me for my past,” Tristian said. “They were kids just like me.” He wasn’t different. These kids were all adopted into the Show-Me family.

Life outside of the home was better, too. The personalized structure of the classroom helped him focus and improve his grades. The smaller-sized school gave him the opportunity to play sports even as a 6th grader. His coaches and teammates encouraged him and kept him accountable.

Breakthrough on the Court

While the school and home life helped Tristian, his biggest growth occurred on the basketball court. The life lessons conveyed at home were reinforced through sports. Whereas Tristian sometimes resisted his parents’ directions, he craved feedback from his coach. He knew that the only way for him or the team to be the best was to learn to trust each other and work together. Trusting his coach’s way over his own produced better results. Practice wasn’t punishment, it was the path to a better you. Discipline and structure were actually love.

Sports motivated Tristian in ways that punishment never could. He knew his team counted on him. If he failed a test or acted out, he wouldn’t be able to be there for them.

From Thriving to Surviving

By his third year, Tristian seemed to be thriving. He caught up educationally. He matured. His behaviors improved. He had grown in confidence and felt in control of his actions. Things went well with the Wieboldts during home visits and holidays. The family was ready to be back together.

“Show-Me not only helped Tristian, it helped us become a healthier and happy family,” stated Amy. “It gave us all time to regroup, rethink, and learn to make better choices.” In April of 2016, Tristian left Show-Me to reunite with his Wieboldt family.

Unfortunately, the reunion failed. Tristian soon found himself floundering in his new freedom. Without the same structure and accountability, he began to revert to his survival instincts and slipped into his old behaviors.

“We told him that we wanted to have him home and be together, but if he thought Show-Me was the best place for him, then his family would support him,” Amy recounted. The decision would be Tristian’s to make.

Four months after he left, Tristian returned to Show-Me. Determined to embrace the opportunities and not just play the game, he started to genuinely mature as a young man and leader. He gave his life to Christ and was baptized in the summer of 2021. This May, he graduates high school and will pursue a career as an Army Airborne Combat Engineer. He also prays God will use him in some capacity to impact the lives of children in need like he once was.

He no longer sees God as an angry, distant, judgmental ruler who cursed him with a dysfunctional family. God is his heavenly father who loved him so much that He blessed him with multiple families.

By Show-Me Update|2022-06-02T11:23:58-05:00June 2nd, 2022|Categories: Child's Story, Children, Path to Purpose, Testimony|Tags: Growing Up at Show-Me|

Where Love Grows: a Tribute to Karen Culler (1947-2022)

Karen Culler’s legacy is not one of perfection; it is of faithfulness. Through many trials and challenges, she prayed, rolled up her sleeves and went to work – uncertain of God’s plan, but confident in His calling. “I learned to trust God each step of the way…not giving in to asking ‘why,’ but simply keeping on keeping on,” Karen said. “They will see us when we fail and fall short, but if we determine every day, anew, to live according to His standards, it will show that our lives are being transformed.”

Living the American Dream

By the world’s standards, Karen Kohn lived a picturesque, American life. She grew up on a farm near Bethel, Missouri, in a strong Christian family. Through her daily life on the farm, she developed a strong work ethic, the courage to try many things, and a deep personal faith.

A month after her high school graduation, she married her sweetheart, Gale Culler. Both had good jobs and looked forward to a house full of children. In 1967, the couple was blessed with their son, Troy.

Karen and Gale yearned to be used more by God, but without having a formal Bible-college education, doubts crept in and they struggled with what their mission was supposed to be. They kept praying for direction and serving where they were.

A Life Spared for What?

In 1971, Karen’s pressure cooker exploded while she was canning peaches in her kitchen. Her body was severely burned, but her face was spared because her double oven had prevented the lid from flying all the way off. During her long hospitalization, she nearly died from infection. Gale and Karen both felt that God had spared her life and He must have a purpose for doing so.

Was it children? For years the couple tried to grow their family without success. They endured several miscarriages, and after the birth of Troy, they had been told by their doctor that any more children would be unlikely. How could God leave this overwhelming desire on their hearts?

Learning of an adoption option at Cookson Hills, the Cullers took a trip to receive a baby that needed a home and family. At the last moment, the baby’s mother changed her mind and canceled the adoption. The Cullers were heartbroken.

Yet, the journey was not in vain. They were touched by how children were being loved for the Lord through Christian childcare families. The seed had been planted. They knew this was something they could do: take care of and love children. This feeling was confirmed when a friend called telling them about a need for houseparents at a children’s home in East Tennessee. Soon after, the Cullers packed their car and headed south to start what seemed might be a dream come true.

“Love Them for What I Can Make Them”

In Tennessee, the dream quickly became a nightmare. The family ministry they envisioned was more an institutionalized setting. Gale and Karen were house parents for 13 teenage girls, all of whom did not want them there. None of whom seemed to have any desire to change. They did everything they could to get the family to give up and leave. It brought the Cullers to their knees.

“I have never been exposed to anything like this in my life,” Karen cried out to God in anguish. “How can I live with them under my own roof? How can I love them when they are so unlovable?” God’s answer transformed her: “Love them for what I can make them, not for what they are today.”

Gale and Karen came to realize that each of those hurting young people had been through more in their short lifetimes than they could ever imagine. The Cullers’ rules, discipline, and even fortitude would not tear down the walls that the girls had put up to protect themselves. As one girl put it, “I never wanted to love you. Anyone I ever love leaves.” The girls had to choose to lower the walls. By reflecting God’s unconditional love, trust could be formed. With trust, the walls came down, relationships were built, and a family began to bond. Those lessons from Tennessee would prove instrumental in the next step of the Cullers’ journey.

“It’s Got Potential”

Ray Gipson, the Executive Director of Show-Me Christian Youth Home, had for years tried to court the Cullers to come see the Missouri ministry. Finally, on their next vacation, the Cullers visited Show-Me. At first glance, the struggling ministry in La Monte wasn’t much to look at: three facilities that cared for six children, one calf, and a badly built barn. Still, the Cullers both felt with certainty that God was opening another door. Gale phrased it best, “It’s got potential.”

In 1977, they rolled up their sleeves and went to work. In addition to caring for children, Gale oversaw farm operations and Karen did the bookkeeping. Six months later, Show-Me had 18 children in residence and Gale was asked to become the Executive Director.

Their experience in Tennessee had shown them how an institutional setting wouldn’t work as effectively as the rural-family structure in which they had grown up. Working together in a farm setting, the children would be taught a good work ethic, build character, and see God at work in their lives in spite of all the struggles of the past.

From livestock to houses, from children to staff, Show-Me grew and grew for the next 20 years. Each day began early with family prayer and devotions, then out the door to start chores before heading to school. The children were responsible for assisting Gale with the care of the animals, which included cows, chickens, and pigs. Karen worked with the girls throughout the day, cooked and cleaned, and spent late nights doing the book work and publicity.

Things were never easy, but God met them every step of the way. With limited resources, Show-Me tried to help as many kids as they could. Tight finances, uncertain futures, and dealing with kids during their “rough times” were facts of life. “The Lord is keeping it that way so we’ll never forget to totally depend on Him,” the Cullers would say.

Show-Me…Where Love Grows

Nevermore would that statement be personally tested than over the last 25 years of her life. The Cullers leaned heavily on the Lord through the loss of their only biological son, Troy, in a car crash. Karen would face the failing health of loved ones, Gale’s cancer and dementia, and finally her own battle with Lou Gehrig’s disease. He would be with her as two of her grandchildren and Gale, her dear husband of 54 years, preceded her in death. Through it all, Karen remained faithful.

In 2011, Gale and Karen passed the baton to the next generation, having established a six-home campus with a Christian School, ball stadium and office complex, as well as satellite homes across the state of Missouri. Over 50 children were raised in her home and thousands under her leadership. She remains endeared by the staff, community, children, and the childrens’ children, as well as everyone who knows her simply as Grandma Karen. Through their passion to meet the needs of hurting kids, the Cullers established an extensive network of support and provision of resources.

Ever faithful, Karen pressed on with the eternal work the Lord called her to do to make Show-Me a place “where love grows.”

By Show-Me Update|2022-04-18T15:09:50-05:00April 18th, 2022|Categories: Child's Story, Children, Events, Houseparent, Testimony|

Overcoming Obstacles in the Arena and in Life

“She’s a stubborn, bad horse!” a new Leadership U student muttered as he sat anxiously on his horse with tears in his eyes. “She won’t listen. I quit!”

Riding up, fifteen-year-old James,* encourages the new rider saying, “Don’t give up, you can do this. Yelling isn’t going to do anything. Show her how. You have to be the leader. You have to make a believer out of her!”

James knows. When he first got on a horse just like when he first came to Show-Me, he felt just as lost and hopeless. The unfamiliar setting left him feeling anxious, scared, and wanting to give up. Luckily, his Show-Me family helped encourage and guide him. Using many of the same techniques he is learning in the Leadership U program, James has been able to face and overcome obstacles of his past and prepare for the challenges of his future.

Achieving the Impossible

God provides the ultimate example of leadership in his son, Jesus. The best way to equip a young person to live as a successful, independent adult: teach them to lead like Jesus. To lead like Jesus, a leader must develop the heart and character to serve. Only then can trust be built that compels change, not demands it, and inspires other to follow.

Modeling this kind of leadership is at the heart of every aspect of Show-Me. “Leadership U is a practical, “incubator” where our young people can put to the test everything they learn in school, church, and counseling to develop confidence, leadership, and healthy relationship skills,” explains Director Chad Puckett. “It gets our kids out of their comfort zones and gives them opportunities to do things they never believed possible.”

The program teaches that the first objective to accomplish the “impossible” is to break it down into a series of smaller, achievable steps using the core principles of Leadership U. Service is the root of Christ-like leadership. Through actions, the leader signifies to the follower that “I am here for you, not me.” Next, the leader must equip themselves with the knowledge – basic information and skills – needed to complete the task. Persistently refining that knowledge day-by-day develops the work ethic, attitude, and character required to build confidence to lead through future challenges. Displaying that wisdom inspires the follower to believe in the leader’s ability.

New Insight Through New Roles

“Working with the animals opened the kids’ hearts to receive instruction,” stated Nathan Smith, the program’s creator and coordinator. “When they see how your advice makes the horse do things they never thought possible, they begin to trust and are willing to listen to what you have to say about horses, life, and even God.”

Leadership U’s hands-on model of training horses and dogs has been especially effective in helping at-risk children like James. Utilizing the emotional connection with animals provides a healing environment that lowers defensive barriers. The class’ physical activity gives a way to work out some energy. Seeing how the animals reflect his own emotions has made him more aware of his need to control his own. “I know that if I want my horse to be calm, I have to be calm,” James explained.

Being responsible for the animals, kids experience from the caregiver’s perspective the importance of obedience and discipline. These concepts take on a new understanding. When applied in their own life, rules and routines seem restrictive and controlling. Now, they understand them as necessary to reach one’s fullest potential.

Teenagers Have Horse Brains!?!

When you ask a teenager why they did something, they will likely say, “I don’t know…because I felt like it.” A teenager is a lot like a horse: impulsive, defiant, and emotional. Many times, they “feel” more than they “think.” Part of the reason stems from the make-up of their brains.

A human’s brain will not fully develop until they are 25-years-old. The prefrontal cortex is immature in a teenager; horses have none at all. This is the “thinking” part of the brain that performs reasoning, judgment, and impulse control functions. Until the brain fully matures, the teenage mind relies on the amygdala to make decisions and solve problems. This is the “emotional” part of the brain responsible for immediate “gut” reactions including fear and aggressive behavior. Horses have an extra-large amygdala to alert them and react to threats. When the amygdala is triggered, the brain shuts down its thinking side and immediately goes into “fight” or “flight” mode.

For children who have experienced trauma, this reflex is magnified. This is why direct approaches with teenagers rarely work and usually end in confrontation. The emotional bombardment either causes them to shut down or fight back verbally. They react emotionally, and do not think rationally.

This unconscious defense mechanism, combined with unresolved trauma from his past, created trouble at home and school for James. “If you challenged him, he would get defensive,” stated Jeff Eades, James’s housedad of five years. “He would always have an answer and it was never his fault.” Both parent and teen were left frustrated and nowhere closer to solving the problem. Using the understanding of the mind’s wiring, Leadership U uses a five-step process to learn how to overcome obstacles (see chart on left).

The Problem with Pages

James’s obstacle was his struggle with reading. School frustrations spilled over to anger and outbursts at home. In his head, he read over words so quickly that by the time he got to the end of the page, he had no clue what he was reading. If he didn’t know a word, he would come to halt. Both issues led him to act out to avoid feeling like a failure.

To help James, the Eades applied many of the steps of the Leadership U process. First, they made reading a positive thing, not just a school task. They had him read for fun in subjects that interested him. Second, they worked to reprogram his negative reaction to avoid reading by redirecting him. When he became restless and frustrated, they did not fight or argue. They had him get up and do something physical like walk the dog or go running. Getting that energy out helped him to focus. Third, they had him read out loud. Saying each word helped slow him down enough to hear and comprehend the story. Jeff remembers how the results could be seen by the size of James’s smile when he saw his reading test score. “100%! How is that possible!?!” James said proudly.

Trust Built on a History of Victories

James’s victory with reading has led to improvement in school and a reduction of fights at home. Yet, like all of us, he will face challenges in his future. Whether on a horse or in the classroom, or eventually in a job or a relationship, each obstacle he overcomes grows his confidence and makes the next obstacle seem less daunting. By “Learning to lead like Jesus,” James is learning to believe – in himself, his future, and God.

By Show-Me Update|2021-11-26T10:15:59-06:00November 26th, 2021|Categories: Child's Story, Houseparent|

A Love that Never Quits

The Miraculous Power of Second Chances

Dante knew something was missing in his life. Every waking moment he had been searching for it because he knew it was the critical piece he needed to fill the empty, painful void that tore at him inside. The void that reminded him of his pain, loneliness, and worthlessness. Watching from afar, he had seen glimpses of people who must have found it: the girl at school who never judged him because of the smell from his clothes, the genuine joy that he saw on the people coming out of the church across the street, and the families he saw laughing as they played at the park. Why could they find it and it remain so elusive to him?

He must be broken. Why else would a 15-year old that so many others called “extremely smart” be such a failure? It had to be the case. His parents abandoned him. Foster families couldn’t deal with him. Even the families that talked about God and His love for Dante still didn’t want him. It was the only reason that made sense to explain the events of his life. Why else could nobody love him?

Now, after they caught him again trying to run away, he found himself in the psychiatric hospital for the third time. Years of heartache, pain, confusion, and instability had driven him to the point where he could no longer find a purpose for life on earth. Then, news came. One hopeless young man would give life one last shot…

Six Months and “Good-bye”

Dante’s childhood was filled with instability. He was born to a mother who was addicted to drugs. Knowing she was unable to raise him, she tried to put him up for adoption. Unfortunately, the mandatory DNA test needed for the process brought into Dante’s life a danger she was desperately trying to keep out.

At the age of two, he and his younger brother were removed from her home and sent to live with their alcoholic, abusive father. Over the next five years, Dante stayed in numerous houses as his father was continually on the move outrunning authorities. Dante took on a parental role, trying to care for his little brother as best he could. At the age of seven, the law caught up and he was placed into foster care. Shuffled between homes, he usually never stayed in a place more than six months.

With each move, each rejection by those who said they cared and would love him, Dante withdrew more into himself. ‘Family’ and ‘love’ were just words, not real things.

“Each place just felt like another four walls,” Dante recounted. “There was no special relationship. I was not their child. Another mouth to feed so they could get a paycheck. Nobody loved or wanted me. Time after time, when I got to be too much to handle, the foster family would just get rid of me.”

Life had taught him that he could not trust others, only himself. That was fine. He would play their game and go through the motions until they were ready to throw him out. He stole food from the kitchen and hid it away in his room or backpack. He acted out, pushing people away before they could reject him. He did not want to interact with other kids at school, fearing that if they got too close they would see how broken and ugly he really was.

In 2009, eight-year-old Dante and his brother were ordered by the courts to live with a relative in Missouri. Things did not get better over the next seven years. Conflict, abuse, and chaos filled the house. As he grew in size and age, the lonely boy spilled over into a depressed and angry young man. Each day left Dante feeling more broken, out-of-control, and worthless. He had thoughts of ending his life and tried to run away multiple times. Counseling. Medications. Hospitalizations. Dante had tried it all and nothing seemed to help.

In 2016, his counselors reached out to Show-Me as a last hope. Even if Dante didn’t believe it, they had faith that this young life could be rescued and restored to a future of success if he had the right supportive environment and a loving family to guide him.

“My first impression [at Show-Me] was that it almost seemed fake because of how well I was treated,” recounts Dante. “I kept watching for the inconsistency. But, it never came. It was the exact same every day. Everyone showed me love and care in this entire community – from my house parents all the way down to the volunteers.”

One Last Chance…Again

The skeptical teen didn’t know how to react in this strange new setting, so he reverted to his self-sabotaging survival instincts: hoarding food, lying, arguing, and closing off. “I was not a pleasant kid,” admitted Dante. “I did a lot of dumb things. I had so much anger about my past. Most of all, I hated myself because I believed the inner voice that told me all the hurt in my life was my fault.”

Dante’s defiance escalated to more dangerous activities. Something had to change. “He was doing everything he could to try and force us to dismiss him,” said Rachel Reynolds, Children’s Services Director and long-time house mom. “But, we all felt like Show-Me could not give up on this kid. We had faith that we could still help him and knew he had nowhere else to go.” Believing a fresh environment could give him a clean slate, the difficult decision was made to have him join the Carman Family at the Drysdale Campus.

Quitting is Not an Option

Things didn’t magically change. “Dante was a difficult kid, but we committed to fight for him so he could have the love and stability everyone deserves,” the Carmans expressed. “The Lord put it on our hearts that giving up on Dante was not an option.”

Like most kids who grow up in chaotic homes, he tested boundaries trying to add instability in order to create a more familiar environment. The Carmans remained consistent: in the way they treated both their biological and Show-Me children, in how the rules were enforced, and in the love they showed.

Dante knew that he did not have to accept the Christian faith to be at Show-Me, but he did need to be respectful of it. Unknown to him at the time, God was planting seeds as he listened about God’s love while participating in family activities like daily devotions, church, and camp. “Before Show-Me, I knew of Jesus and His love, but I didn’t understand it because I had never had an example of it,” stated Dante. “It didn’t change the people who told me about it, so why should I want it.”

The Final Straw

The Son would bring those seeds to life at Dante’s lowest point. A few months into his stay with the Carmans, Dante forged a note and got on a bus prepared to run away. Fortunately, his attempt was derailed when the bus driver, a local youth minister who knew the Carmans, alerted the family. “I just knew this was going to be the final straw,” said Dante. “The moment their love would quit. Instead, they hugged me and told me that I had made a dumb choice, but it doesn’t mean that they love me any less.”

Something inside Dante changed in that moment. “I came to know the true love of God,” Dante stated. “Not just for others, but with the tough and constant love of my mom and dad, I experienced this love personally.”

Secure in that love, he began to embrace the opportunities surrounding him. The Show-Me school helped him catch up and graduate on time. Path to Purpose identified a college and career in precision machining that fit his personality and meticulous nature. The sports and the Leadership U programs grew his confidence. Most importantly, he realized that if others saw something in him to love, then maybe he wasn’t broken after all.

“The more I saw, learned, and felt that love from the Show-Me community, the more I wanted it for eternity, stated Dante. “I wanted that thing that allowed my parents to love me in a way that humans can’t.”

A Forever “Welcome Home”

With hard work and guidance, Dante turned his new found hope into a solid future. In 2018, Dante was baptized. In 2019, he graduated from high school. This spring, he received his college degree in Precision Machining Technology. Thanks to a summer internship, he had a full-time job waiting for him to start in May.

“It seems unreal at times, Dante said standing on the front porch of his house. “If I had not come to Show-Me, I am not honestly sure I would have a life. My second chance gave me more than I could ever repay. It gave everything: a new outlook on life, the family I always wanted, and a love that will never end.”

See more of Dante’s story here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cq1f0SZlSnw&t=20s

By Show-Me Update|2021-07-01T11:04:13-05:00July 1st, 2021|Categories: Child's Story, Children, Houseparent, Path to Purpose|

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